Three Presbyterians (or whatever) arrive at the Pearly Gates
together. St. Peter quizzes each on the meaning of Easter. The first
says it's that day in November when the family gets together, eats
turkey, and watches football on TV.

St. Peter laments the state of religious education.

The second says it must be the day in July when we set off fireworks and
have patriotic parades.

St. Peter is even more disappointed.

The third describes the entrance into Jerusalem, the Last Supper, the
Betrayal, the crucifixtion, and burial in the tomb sealed by a round
stone.

St. Peter is really encouraged and happy, until the supplicant explains
that each year the stone is rolled away, Jesus comes out, and if he sees
his shadow there are six more weeks of winter.

 A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the
pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it
into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you
a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was.
When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and
supported its ministry with my tithe and service."

"Terrific!" says St. Peter, "that's certainly worth a point."

"One point? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city
and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.

"TWO POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into
heaven is by the grace of God!"

"Come on in!"